Windmills of my mind

Like a circle in a spiral, 
Or a wheel within a wheel, 
Never ending or beginning 
On an ever spinning wheel 
As the images unwind 
Like the circles that you find 
In the windmills of your mind......

This song takes me back to a time when I was so messed up….
Never mind about the “circles” it was that tricky love triangle that did me in….

Looking back on this time I am filled with such conflict,
my heart and mind in World War 3 and me fighting for my emotional survival….
The Love Triangle – whether you are outside looking in or inside looking out,
really is one of the most difficult and confusing places to be especially when the emotions take over and your imagination runs away with you…

However, it is also true that some Love Triangles work out beautifully and in my experience as a psychic I have seen and predicted “happy ever afters” even in very complicated circumstances, but those who embark on this journey are often faced with many difficulties and obstacles along the way to make their dreams come true.

I remember so clearly that I have never experienced such extreme emotions, not just the ones I was feeling toward my lover, but the roller-coaster I was on within myself. The insecurity of not knowing (who says psychics can read their own lives – not in a million years LOL) the sense of being in limbo, waiting for the penny to drop or the balloon to go up. I realise now that this state of being is far from healthy or happy.

The excitement and anticipation of his call or that rare meeting (in private of course) fuelled my desire for that “happy ever after”. There were no public outings or holidays or weekends away or great evenings out. Yet, my heart told me that what we shared was as important to him as it was to me and of course he would comfort me and tell me that I just had to wait a little bit longer because the timing had to be right and I BELIEVED HIM with all my heart.

When the reality of my situation finally dawned on me it was so hard to face it and the shock, embarrassment and heartache were almost too much to bear. But I knew the time had come to determine my future and the happiness I really deserved as opposed to taking second-best and living in a “fairy-tale” that could not be achieved.

So I ended it.

But that wasn’t the end either…..I carried the desire for him, the wish to realise all that we had discussed and the image I had created for our future together still haunted me although I knew it was gone.

My saving grace was the love and comfort of family and friends their understanding and forgiveness and the strength and support from my soul guide “No-Name” together with a deeper understanding of myself.

I was guided to a couple of books that really changed my life and I urge all of you who are “on the outside looking in” or “on the inside looking out” of a Love Triangle to read them” The Road Less Travelled” by M Scott Peck and
“Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway” by Susan Jeffers

They helped me to put my emotions into perspective, to aspire to the beauty of a loving relationship that is healthy and mutually rewarding, to take responsibility for my actions and to forgive myself when I make a mistake.

Love and Light

Lee