Going through a break-up is probably one of the hardest things we experience.
Sleepless nights, heart-ache, feeling overwhelmed, checking the phone constantly, going over and over things in your mind, weepy days and nights. Yes, very rough indeed.
But there are ways to recover a relationship and help it to get back on track. But, before you simply launch into trying to get your ex back you must be very, very honest with yourself.
There is usually a very good reason for a break-up and you must try to identify what that is.
Relationships usually come to an end for 3 reasons, Loss of Connection, Loss of Attraction, Loss of Trust. You must be honest enough with yourself to decide if the relationship needed to end or you absolutely believe there is unfinished business. You must look in the mirror and consider if your partner’s reasons for the break-up are valid or not.
When faced with the reality that it’s over you are launched into an emotional roller-coaster. Leaving you feeling shocked, hurt, bereft and numb. But mostly confused and scared. And therein lies the major flaw. Instinct kicks in and we are prepared to go to just about any lengths to get them back!
Your instincts will dominate your emotions. This could lead to very erratic behaviour. Doing things that you would never normally do. Calling, texting endlessly, turning up at their home or office. Just trying to find the way. This emotional roller-coaster wreaks havoc on you. And may even push your ex away even more. But how can you reconcile if they won’t even communicate. No answers to texts, emails, Face Book or Whatsapp?
Here are 10 steps to getting back with your ex because they are your “forever person”.
1 Instinct driven erratic behavior is common. But could prolong the break-up. This is the time to be level-headed. Firstly, you need to accept your partner’s decision. And that the relationship as it was, is now over, for the time being of course! This is an important step. It goes without saying that you love them deeply. And really want them back fast. Regardless of how much you love them you must be honest and accept the relationship could not go on the way it was.
2 Emotions always need to settle down after the break-up. And I always recommend the no contact rule, unless absolutely necessary. No contact prevents instinct taking over and making things worse. This is the hardest step to maintain. You just miss them so much. Ego and pride must be left behind. Take responsibility for your part in how the relationship was. See your lover’s behaviour too. Think about the solutions that would work for both of you. Be completely honest with yourself.
3 Avoid manipulation tactics of any sort or using the “blame game” to convince them to give things another go. Sometimes, I’ve seen these tactics work but mostly a person is found out. playing emotional and mind-games just kills all the hope of a reconciliation.
4 Avoid following your lover’s online activities. Don’t try “getting through the back door” hoping to get communication going. Usually this just infuriates them even more. And could prevent any communication in the future! Maintaining your dignity is crucial to being able to reconnect after the settling down period has passed.
5 Please stop thinking that your partner doesn’t love you. Love is never the reason why they left. The relationship was broken, not your love for one another. Keep this very much in mind. Because the power of love can repair any relationship.
6 Look after yourself. People are attracted to confidence, charisma, style and balance. Remain positive. Put a smile on your face. Work on yourself. Join a class or a social group. Take-up a new hobby or sport. Think about if you missed tell-tale signs that things were not right. Or where you may have been complacent. You are still the person your ex fell in love with. But for now, they no longer see the person you really are.
7 Breaking the Ice. Once the period of no contact is at an end and you feel grounded and confident. And have started a few new things socially. It’s time to make first contact. Texting is fastest of course. But an email or PM will also do.
8 Remember your message needs to be subtle. The purpose here is to activate their love and attraction for you. This sets the tone, breaks the ice, sparks curiosity and excitement before moving on to actually speaking with one-another.
However, there are several No-No’s that you must guard against when starting your text conversations.
- Don’t send empty text messages.
- Don’t talk about your hurt feelings or what happened between you.
- Don’t argue or say anything negative.
- Instead your texts must be short, sweet and to the point.
- Tell them about something that reminded you of them.
- And some of the good times you had.
- Let them know you are enjoying Life.
- Be subtle, positive and fun.
9 You want to go from unhappy ex to fun text buddy. It is a slow process, but if your ex is happily co-operating, you have a very good chance of getting back together.
When you feel the time is right then ask them to meet-up.
10 This first meeting should not be called a date. Remember how you were in the early days. Be that person again. This is the person they fell in love with. There is a warmth and familiarity between you. This is not the time for going over what happened. The relationship as it was
is over. Getting back together is all about creating a new relationship between you.
Take things slowly, rebuild your attraction, support your deep connection and rebuild trust. Your ex will be blown away by rediscovering the person they fell in love with and want to comeback for all the right reasons. The power of love can repair any relationship.
If you want to recover your relationship, reconcile or relight the fire I am here to help. Visit my personal page and let me help you find the answers that you seek. http://www.leevanzyl.com/category/personal-readings/